My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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