Your tits are I can't wait for
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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