y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
