Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
