Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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