Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
