got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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