Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
