My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
