did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Someone signed my nipple.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
