I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
