So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
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