im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
