as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
