the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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