My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
