new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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