Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
