Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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