dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
