summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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