So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
