Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
