really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
