My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
