I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
