she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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