Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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