I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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