I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I puked a lego.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
