Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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