went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
