she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
