Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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