hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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