i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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