I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
