So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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