I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
