she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
