I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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