At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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