There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
