I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
