i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
