you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
