Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
