he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
