is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
