let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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