Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
