just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
