It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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