I heard we made out
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize