You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
