i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so let's talk penis.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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