are you still at the devil's house?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
