im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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