I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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