theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
