Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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