I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
