I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
home. puking in laundry basket.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
