I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
