Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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