In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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