We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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