Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
and you fell through a lawn chair
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
