Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
