I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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