So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
