I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
