New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
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I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
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Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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