Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
