my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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