Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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