you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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