Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
