the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
