I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
