i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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