Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My liver just broke up with me...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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